+=bAby StArz=+

thoughts.

2011-09-18T03:04:00.000+08:00

How fast. I'm already halfway of my internship. Tasks at there were quite okay except sometimes when i've got nothing to do, and i feel so useless there. Some ups and downs do happens in our life. And Monday we've got a 'Party in the Park' in USS! Hope all of us can enjoy fully. =) And the changes in the team sort of makes me abit lost??! Seems like I need to adjust my environment again.

Sometimes you had a dream in your mind, and you so wish it would comes true in real life. But you know the reality, and you hope you could just stay in that dream of yours. This is because the chances of reaching perfection is so low. And you start to get flashback or deja vu of those beautiful moments you once had. Wishing everything happens again. The happiness gauge in me is always changing. Why do i always feel so lost in what i want? When can i really make up my mind to do something? =/ The sad demon comes to stay in me again. Wrecking my mind and body. But today it didn't come making trouble for me. Smiles! =)

I don't wish for everything. I just wish for one. =)

Energy draining.

2011-07-26T22:54:00.004+08:00

IA starts for 3 weeks already. Feels that the workload is still light at the moment and still in the learning phase. But the problem is, i don't talk much to my supervisor. Whereas i talk to another team mate more and often get my task from him. I know this is definitely not good but i just don't feel like communicate with him. Everyday i just want the time to pass by faster and go home. But i know everything that i'm thinking now is not good. The travel distance alone is enough to drain my energy, needless to say after a day's work. Not having a full breakfast is so common to me now, just because i want to sleep a bit longer. But lucky when i reach office i still have some time to munch on some things. The starting time for work is sort of push to 9am, as everyone just happily go eat their breakfast and comes in office around 9. And those managers or higher position people comes in even later.

I'm waiting for my first pay to come in. =)

Dear brain, drop that dream off, for now.

Holiday ending...

2011-06-29T01:52:00.002+08:00

Just a few more days before IA starts. How fast. I haven enjoy myself much yet. =( And thinking about how far I'm going to travel to work really dampens my mood. Maybe i should go flip through abit on SQL and database thing. After exam, I gave all back to the lecturers already. Seriously i need to get myself into the working mood. I don't know how bad or how good this internship is going to be, but i wish i pass this period peacefully. =)

Going to school tml for the IA briefing. To be exact it's today! I'm still awake now even though i need to wake up at 8am later. A little late for it think won't matter much right? =X I only wish time goes super duper slow now. It's so hard to accept the fact how fast things are moving around me. Need some time to adjust myself again. =/

Last week of June.

2011-06-23T23:07:00.006+08:00

Time passed so fast. It's already coming to the end of June, and it means holiday is ending soon. The dreadful IA is going to start soon. The past 1 week i have been getting so weak with my body. First it was the sore throat, then fever, then flu, then cough cause of phlegm, and now i've got a swollen eye. My eye turn from a double eye lid to a single eye lid. Today when i woke up, i could hardly open up my left eye. Initially was accompanying Mum to the doctor appointment but with this state, how am i suppose to go out.

That's my big small eye! Hope it gets better tml. It feels so itchy right now. Mum say i look like i put eye shadow. =_= Where got eye shadow put till become eye so small de?!!

And i haven buy finish my clothes for IA yet! Time is running out. Why must June passed by so quickly? It felt like i haven done anything. Oh, and my appetite seems to be smaller after i fell sick. Need to find back my appetite again, cause i wanna eat good food! =9

Been telling myself to sleep early and use lesser com. But now, after one whole day of not using com, here i am again. Haha. I'm just too stubborn to go sleep early. Not in the little bit mood of sleepiness, how am i suppose to sleep.

K, I'm off to Facebook again! =)

lazy girl

2011-06-10T14:01:00.006+08:00

感觉自己好没用哦。不去做工，读书又不好，每天在家无所事事，真像一个废人。几岁的人了，对生活那么没目标，怎么行呢。我老是羡慕其他人有多么多么好，觉得自己很差劲。我知道我不应该这么悲观，可是脑海里就是一直出现这种想法。虽然对生活有点累了，但是只要休息一下就能看见这世界还是美丽的。=）

Gotten my results yesterday and i passed all. =) Was really scared that i fail some modules this sem from the outcome of the exams. Every exam hall that i came out, only one word to describe "Die~". But lucky that i cleared these modules, i wouldn't know what to do if i'm to take these modules again. And i finally passed my elective! =D The lecturer is so kind, cause seriously i think i did badly at the paper and there were some blanks. But my gpa is still far from a 2nd lower. =( I wonder if i will ever make it there.

I'm being a crouch potato these few days. Nua-ing at home. =_= And I've been sleeping very late, like 3 or 4 am. Bad cycle, i know. Will revert back to normal life before IA starts.

And i want to go out of singapore! I haven do my passport yet cause my family members are so not enthu about going travel. =( And i don't know how to find travel agency to book things cause non of us has done it before. Considering there is only about 20 days of my holidays left, I'm not so sure i still can travel. =(

gonna try this some day. =)

2011-06-07T16:35:00.003+08:00

June is here. Left with around 1 month of holidays for me to relax. Haven really went for shopping. =( Everyday eat, play, sleep, watch tv, sometimes do housework, and stare at wall thinking what i should do today. I'm going crazy soon! Bored to death!

if facebook has this much status, it would be good. =)

Active during the night but it dies down quickly too, due to boredness.

Being a slacker

2011-05-21T18:44:00.004+08:00

I'm being a slacker again. Staying at home doing nothing, staring at the ceiling. Yesterday went to my IA company to sign contract. The person told us not to spread bad things about the company on Facebook or whatever website, so not being mean, i would not say out the company name here. The first thing he mention was the $750 salary without CPF contribution. That was disappointment number 1. Next was the location is not what we assume it was. The actual location seems much further. =( And I've got to start work at 8:30am with formal wear. That's what i hate most. I hope the company is not going to give us heavy workload or else it's really blacklisted by me. Anyway, I've already sign the contract, so just see how it goes.

And i really want to go shopping, eat or play!!! Cause i know i won't have school holidays in the future, so must enjoy myself now. ^^ Need to find a time to meet my old friends. It has been so long since i last seen them. Wonder how are they? Think there will be lots of updates when we meet up. =)

Still thinking how should my holidays go. Not too short, not too long, so hard to plan things. Maybe i will end up staying at home whole day, downloading movies, playing games, watching drama or shows. Typical "宅女". =X

Alright, off to my dinner. =)

Freedom!

2011-05-18T23:46:00.003+08:00

EXAMS OVER!!! I smell Freedom! =D Although i know the result is going to drop like hell but i couldn't care about it now. Really drained out by this semester work load. I just want to have a nice long rest before IA starts. ^^

Going Malaysia tml with the Uni clique. My second time going shopping there. =) Hope i can grab some nice, cute or cheap stuff there. Haha. Have so much things on the I-want-to-buy list. The GSS is coming again, and i have the urge to spend on something. You know, most girls always like to buy things without thinking its usefulness. I might be one of the girls too. =X

As for the rest of the holidays, I'm just gonna slack. Haha. Maybe planning a short trip to genting or somewhere nearby with my family. =) For my whole life, the only countries I've been to are Taiwan and Malaysia. So i wish to travel some other countries too, provided I have the money. Hehe.

And i want to learn make up but putting make up would means i need to put contact lens. I know it doesn't need contact lens but wearing specs is not nice with make up. =/ And I'm afraid of putting the lens into my eyeball. It just looks so scary. Not the putting in part but the taking out part seems more difficult. In dilemma. =.=

Aren't they cute~? xD

if only...

just one day.

2011-05-11T22:38:00.003+08:00

It always happen like this. Before i go in the exam hall, i feel nervous like hell. Into the exam hall, my brain cells died on me. Out of the exam hall, depressed. Will there ever be a time when i go in the exam hall confidently and come out smiling?

Admit it Shihui! You're just not interested in studying anymore. And yes. I'm getting really tired from this education path. Now i get the feeling of just go into the working society and do whatever i can, since i think i'm wasting my time now. =( I really need much more motivation and interest to continue. Sometimes when no one is looking, tears just form in my eyes. And before i look up at them again, i tried to hold everything back in me. No, I'm not being strong. It's because i know only me can help myself. No point letting the ones i loved worrying about me. I don't like keeping things to myself, just that i don't know how i should tell others.

Alright, enough of this negative feeling. Need to mug for friday's paper now! Bye.

Whirlpool of emotions.

2011-05-05T01:59:00.003+08:00

Exams in 2 days time!!! Argh! I feel like an unlucky girl. I hate it when i get menses during exam period. Cause i will tend to be absent-minded, and can't get the concept push in my mind. Had the same situation last semester as well. =( I hope by Sat i could have a clear mind in the exam hall. Jiayou Shihui! You need to work twice as hard as others cause you're seriously lagging behind! Go go go! ^^

On the side note, last night i saw his name on msn. Kind of wondering is he using back that account again? This morning i saw that he is still on msn. O_o And he was there for the whole day?! It kept me wondering even more. Till i came back to my lappy after dinner, i saw his chat window blinking??!! I didn't reply, but i think he mistaken me for another person. I don't know how i should react to this person anymore. Ignoring might be the better choice? Should i be happy or not? Hmm...

Sometimes i wonder if i had some supernatural power. O_O Cause whenever i wish for something to happen, i will chant in my mind. And then it HAPPENS! =) Not immediately, but it happens. Maybe it is just pure coincidence, or maybe i'm not that unlucky uh. Haha. =D

Oh, and i get my new phone. Like finally! =)

Yeah. You talk to me but i did nothing. =(

Conflicting emotions.

2011-04-10T21:52:00.004+08:00

Not sure what's got into me recently. Been having a mixed of reality and dreams. Dreams that seems so real, and reality that seems so fake. Maybe part of the reason is the stress from this semester. Too much projects, assignments and quizzes, leads to sleep deprived and leads to one hallucinating things. And I'm getting paranoid very easily, thinking people are secretly hating me. =/ Arrrgh, I'm getting into a pessimist soon. Please let me pass by these 1 month plus quickly, so that i can have my break. X_X

As mention before, I'm not staying in hall anymore, but i still get the feeling of missing home. O_o Because of the fact that almost everyday i stayed back at school till the unearthly hours, every time i reached home, all my family are asleep. And the only time i get to really chat with them is weekend, but sometimes the weekend is burnt away by school works too. =(

1 more month to exams, and i haven start my revision. It's even worst this time cause there's still some concepts i don't understand from the previous part. And you know what, i don't even know what i don't understand cause i haven look at it. I'm so dead man! x( My results are gonna flunk like hell. Pray that i don't get kick out of school, and pray that IA will really pull my grades up. I hate this 'i feel so dumb' feeling, cause it felts like my brain only contains water. Jiayou, ShiHui! You know you don't want this. Hang on.

and yes, i will do what the doctor's book says. =)

Back to school again.

2011-03-20T21:40:00.003+08:00

Hehe. This is so me. =)

It's school time tml again. Mid-term break passed by so fast. My sense of guilt is growing as time goes by. This break is supposed to be a busy week but mine is so peaceful. It's like the calmness before a thunderstorm. =S And it's a total communication break for me and my friends. Been staying at home the whole week trying to mug as hard as i can, but i guess i failed. My brain just couldn't concentrate long before i wonder off.

Talking about school, i haven done the tutorial for tml yet. The tutor is gonna get so fed up if he knows anyone not doing tutorial and go for his lesson. =X See how hopeless i am? For the whole week and i haven done the things that i need for monday. My time management sucks! >:( Argh.

And i had those absurd dreams going on recently. It's amazing how my mind can twist things in the dreams. And worst till, some are even continuous dreams! xP I get headache when i worried about things too much, so better not think anymore. Attachment selection is coming soon. Getting so nervous cause i'm not prepared. My resume might be boring and empty. =/

Anyway my plan of getting a new phone has to postpone i guess. Haven decide which phone to get. Those that i want is expensive, and those cheaper ones are old model. =/

a little rest

2011-03-14T16:07:00.002+08:00

Recess week is here again! This semester is the most number of times i skip lectures. Reasons? Due to the 830 lesson curse, my body is so reluctant to get up at 6+ a.m. everyday. And because of the Imagine Cup competition, the past few weeks were crazily rushing project. For now, i need to finish up all the video lectures before another round of project craziness starts.

I'm having lots of surprising dreams again. Maybe, cause I like to think a lot? O_o Haha. I dye my hair using the bubble dye again! Bought the pretty pink color, luc

kily it's not that bright. =) My phone plan has already reach 2 years, time to change phone but haven find the time to go see.

Anyway, the Japan earthquake and tsunami incident really makes me think if the Earth is making a big change to herself. 2012's scenes are appearing every now and then. Is the end coming near? What's in the future, no one can predict. I can only precious every day i have. Hope Japan can recover from this disaster, and so do other countries being affected.

If world is ending, will i be able to see all those who are important to me one last time?

how much do i worth?

2011-02-28T03:07:00.002+08:00

I wonder why am I so dumb. My brain couldn't absorb the large amount of knowledge being pump to me in school. Even though nothing is said, i know i'm the slowest in this clique of mine. I know they understand that i can't do things well, so even if i can't help out much, they won't blame me. But this just leads to me thinking that i'm just a free-rider. I don't like myself to be so useless. Maybe being with people who are much smarter than me makes me feels inferior. There's always this peer pressure emotion since the start of school. This big learning gap that no one notice, is starting to get larger. Sometimes i wish i hadn't make this choice.

Shopping and more shopping!

2011-01-30T02:46:00.005+08:00

Has been shopping a lot for these few days. Let's see...

Last sun was with PW to bugis and city hall.

Mon was with AP at Orchard, bought a pair of shorts.

Wed with AP again for movie Shaolin(4/5 stars) and bought a pair of shoe.

Fri had a long break of 6 hours, so we went to watch movie The Green Hornet(3.5/5 stars).

Sat was out with Fen and her sis to town again. Bought 2 pair of shorts but 1 pair can't fit in cause cannot try. =( But nvm, will try my ways on how to alter it, if possible. And really thanks Fen's sis for treating the food that day. =D

Haha. In the end i didn't bought any top for CNY, which was my purpose of shopping. xD Think i will wear one of the clothes in my wardrobe for CNY.

School started for a week already. The study mood is not coming to me, and that explains why i'm day dreaming most of the time. And everyone is falling sick. Maybe due to the changing weather these few days. I'm sick too. =( Just when my cough and phlegm is recovering, flu is here. Hope all these sickness thingy end before CNY. =/

Here's some oranges for CNY. Hehe. xP

D Day?

2011-01-18T00:26:00.003+08:00

Even though I'm so reluctant to see my result, i still go see. Haha. You know when i see my GPA drop, my heart sink way down. But when i look further down, all my modules passed, and i actually smile. =) Actually i already predicted the results somehow, so didn't feel any emo or sadness now.

So, I'm back to a peasant again. But don't worry, Shihui, you just need to work hard and get your rank again. =) Anyway, the working society won't be largely focus on your GPA but your skills. So i think the most important thing is to brush up my skills, cause IA is coming and i need to make myself presentable.

Right now i just want to enjoy the rest of my holidays before it comes to an end. For the past 10 days, I've been staying at home looking after the construction works with either 1 of my family member. Dad got sick and pass the virus in the house. Bro and me got sick as well. =( But Mum is fine. =) There's still a lot of things need to clean up in the house. Turn from a refugee life to Maria life. x( Sad me.

CNY is here again. My hand is itchy to buy new clothes again. Haha. xD Wanted to buy lots of clothes so that i can wear in school. My clothes are so limited now cause hasn't been really shopping for the past 1 year? Need to find some cheap and nice clothes and shoes. =)

Ahhhhh...i really need to indulge myself before school starts. Cause i see a super big stress bomb behind. =X Hope that in the future my smile won't look so fake anymore. =)

2011 already.

2011-01-04T01:11:00.003+08:00

It's another year coming by. Can't help to think how fast time passed by. Year 2010 was practically giving myself to school. All i could remember was school, home hostel. Not much enjoyment in my life. But at least i know my social circle is expending a little. =)

You know, sometimes i wonder why am i so quiet in front of friends. Many people asked me that question before but i never give them an answer. Maybe becau

se I'm a person who needs to know someone better before i could really chat with them. If not, i really don't know what to say cause I'm not a good ice breaker. =/ And i find that my conversation with my BFFs is getting lesser cause we don't have the same topic to talk about. This is absolutely not good. Cannot! I must communicate with them more often to find back the can-talk-about-anything feeling.

And i see that everyone is putting their new year resolution up. Right now i can't think of any except to find my life goal. It's just another year, nothing to be happy or sad about cause it's still a blank paper. Haha. But I'm curious in the coming of year 2012. Will it be the end of the world? Will i see ailens? Will any amazing things happen? Wish i could peek into the future. Hehe.

Anyway, think i would be stuck at home for 10 days or so. Why? Cause those workers will be coming in to hack the toilet down! Haha. Bet my ears and brain would be suffering from those drilling, hacking and moving. Think there would be air pollution too. Argh~ like a prison for me. Maybe prison also don't have to suffer like this.

christmas eve.

2010-12-24T15:19:00.002+08:00

Finally, holidays have arrived!!! =D Anyway i predict my results for this semester gonna drop by the look of the situation. Haiz, lets just forget about this and enjoy my holidays.

My 21st was well spent with my friends and family. =) Initially i thought it would be like the past birthday but at least all my close friends is able to celebrate with me. And those wishes i received, feel so blessed already. And today is already the Christmas eve. How fast, it's reaching the end of 2010. Looking back, this year seems to have so many events and things happened. I've always thought how it would feels like to be 21, and now I'm 21, I wish time stops here. Anything more than 21 doesn't seems very fun. Right? Haha. Thats how contradicting human is.

My wish for the remaining days of 2010 is:

- to be able to have good night sleep everyday

- to enjoy myself to the fullest

- to meet up with friends

- shopping =)

- excursion? lol

Hmm...wanted to have a short holiday trip but think i shouldn't ba. =/ And my house area is so damn noisy cause of the construction works. Should have gone out with fen when she called just now. Aiya, regret. =( But then i don't know why my body is aching, so lazy to go out also. Wanted to go countdown for new year but don't know who is free to accompany me. =/ Come to think of it, every year i spent the countdown at home and the next day will be going Grandma's house for bai bai. (though i think sometimes i didn't go)

2011 will be a better year. =D So don't whine anymore, Shihui. Always look at the positive side of life. Yes, sunny days ahead! xD

December's negatives

2010-12-07T23:45:00.003+08:00

It's December!!! The month of celebration and festive. But why are we still being strangled by exam?! =( I so wanted my brain to be more hardworking on exam materials rather than keep on facebook-ing and doing redundant stuff. Just like a stress bomb inside me that could explode anytime. I got so pissed off with my fringe that i cut it short. Now i look more like xiao meimei. =_=" And the nearer it is to the exam, the more redundant stuff i'm doing. Time is ticking but nothing is going in. I'm so dead this time round. Can only hope all those assignments and projects will pull me up. =(

dilemma.

2010-11-21T21:39:00.004+08:00

I don't know why i like to question myself about the future. Maybe cause I'm at some age where i need to really plan something before it's too late. Recently I've been wondering should i fully focus on what this course is leading me to? A Programmer? Or should i work on my ideal job of some designer? =/ Right now every time i look at coding, i will feel damn frustrated. It's like i have no wish of understanding it.

Actually i know I've chosen a wrong course but a Uni cert matters so much. It always puzzled me how did i get into Uni? From the moment i received the acceptance letter, everything just seems like a fast forward button has been pressed. As you grow up, time seems to be some how shorter? I remember when i was in primary school, a few hours seems to be like one whole day. But now? 1 year seems like a blink of eyes.

I always told myself i will change, change for the better. But i don't see any yet. My character is still the same. My appearance is still the same. Maybe my thinking is the only one that changes. If you look at the Singaporeans now, you can roughly guess what kind of education they are going through. It's just too oriented. What the school teaches you, you followed and you're safe. What most people are doing, you do the same and you're safe. I guess that's the "kiasi/kiasu" attitude? Ok, what i type up there absolutely not pointing at who. Play safe, if not some public might sue me? O_o

Back to where i was saying, school. Piles of undone things getting lesser but still a mountain left. =( I can only say this semester is the worst I've ever been through. In a month's time, I'm gonna be a free bird again. Just a bit more, so lets work hard. =)

Jiayou~ jiayou~ Shihui! =)

I can't see you yet.

It's recess week!

2010-10-18T23:29:00.004+08:00

Finally, the recess week come. Seriously, i need a break from all those lectures before i go crazy. The concept is so hard to grasp and the question marks on my head are getting into a big lump. =(

Anyway October is a month full of events.

- Celebrate Dad's and friend's birthday.

- First time i doze off in a movie theater.

- Mum's admitted to hospital for 1 day. Luckily is nothing serious, just some checkup to do.

- Quizes that are coming!

- Mum's birthday coming.

- Friends' birthday coming. (pocket's hole getting bigger)

- Assignments and projects that seems never ending. =/

- Tutorials crashing!

And now, I've got a lot of revision waiting for me. Wonder where should i start. =/ And one thing i know is when exam period comes, i really need chicken essence to wake me up. Travelling to school is such a tiring journey that whenever i reach school, I'm always in a sleepy mode. And I'm already very sleepy plus the fact that the lecturers' super 'nice' voice which makes me wanna doze off more.

Apart from designing, i find that i like photography more now. If i had the chance, i wish to explore in that area. =)

if only the beautiful scene is real.

Tired as ever.

2010-09-22T23:05:00.003+08:00

It's already week 4 of school! How fast. I'm still not fully on studying track. The lecturers' voices are so uninteresting. Every time they talk, i feel like i'm listening to lullaby. And the god damn tutorials are so difficult. Why does the school have to make us suffer so much? Alright, maybe is because i didn't pay attention during lectures. =x Everything is going at fast pace as usual. And my undone things list is getting longer and longer. =(

Sidetrack. That day i was on the train to school and i saw someone who gives me the same feeling as...

HIM!

Yes. It's Kim Hyung Joong. Haha. That is really a good start of the day. =)

Alright it's getting late cause I'm trying to start my lab coding. And nothing is coming out. =.= Think i will just have to go to tml lab session to continue. Nights. =)

A new sem.

2010-08-29T23:10:00.004+08:00

Tml is the start of a new semester again. It's gonna be a new start for me. No more hall, no more waking up a bit late, no more familiar faces, no one to accompany me to walk that slope that i used to walk. To tell the truth, i really enjoyed my life in hall. But you know sometimes you'll feel super lonely there. You know how i envious most people could mingle well with one another. But it seems like i just can't convey myself to others. If only i could step out a little more, things might be different now. =/

I took this holiday to sort out my messed up feelings and thoughts. 3 months wasn't quite long, but enough to let me think how i should go on. I should learn to remember the beautiful things and forget any unhappy moments. Maybe there's some regrets in life that is inevitable, but be glad that there is something for you to remember. =)

I will try to smile more and be a cheerful girl. I will try to make every minute, every second, worth a thousand more. I will try to be brave and face the world. I will try not to have any sudden thoughts that affect my life. I will try to express what i feel more, cause that's the only way i could show myself to others. And last of all, i need a miracle. =)

i think...

2010-08-25T16:57:00.002+08:00

You’ve never really missed someone,
really miss them so much your heart feels bitter and sour and haunting perfect memories of last summer taunt you awake on starless black nights when the sky stretches on endlessly

I am typing up and retyping my scattering thoughts in the dark tonight, trying to scribble down every word and every syllable before they fall behind my thoughts
The windows feel too tight, the door too shut and the ceiling spinning, closing in
These sleepless nights, i imagine all the scattered words and fairytales with no endings and whispering beautiful songs i would whisper in your ear
But when i see you, all i could say is ‘I missed you’ just like anyone else would have said, with a blank expression and emotion, emotion stronger than the whole universe, bubbling inside of me

the window blows open by the late night wind and the blank curtains hover in the room, casting big shadows and reviving the most fearful, childhood nightmares

The wind blew hard and I sat on the steps breathing in the cold air, an atmosphere without you beside me.
They have all left, in crowds and in pairs, but I was still alone, breathing in cold air like a cigarette and ruining my lungs, wishing you were sitting beside me.

The words seem so close to my feelings. =/

losing that bit...

2010-08-23T23:21:00.004+08:00

Been feeling vexed these few days. I don't know what am i confused about but it just makes me think alot. You know the feeling that your prospection towards people and life suddenly change. I've been having this doubt for a long time, that what is my future going to be like? The more i think about it, the more i'm lost. For a person who is going to be 21 soon like me, hasn't really live to the fullest. Sometimes when you want to step forward, but you just can't get the courage to go on. It left an invisible scar on myself cause i know i disappoint myself again. Sigh. =( I really hate to blog about emotional things, but i need a place to vent out things bottled in me.

Just another day

2010-08-03T01:24:00.001+08:00

Just watch finish The Sorcerer's Apprentice and was humming that song in the movie. When I login facebook, I saw the lyric I was about to sing out. Amazing hur? Someone must have just watch the movie or listen to that song at that moment. Downloaded some movies I missed watching when they were still showing. And my Internet connection is having problems lately. :( It's late in the night again, idling my days away. I wonder if I can set my study mood back in time, before school starts.
Been having problem with posting a post with browser, so have to blog using iPod's app. =/

Insomnia

2010-07-19T07:24:00.001+08:00

I wonder why I can't fall asleep now. Is it because I didn't treasure my sleeping hours, that's why the sleeping god took away my ability to sleep? Or is it because my stomach isn't feeling well? I don't know, if I know I wouldn't be lying on my bed typing this post. I wonder why my stomach is so weak. It can't take spicy or too oily food.
Ahhhh~ I dunno wad am I typing here. I just wanna get my brain bored so that it won't keep thinking and thinking. My body is tired, my heart feels tired too because it is still working hard to pump blood into my brain!! Why can't my brain be good and rest?!! I watch mummy went to work just now. And now bro and daddy is up for work already. =\ No good, no good. I'm still meeting my friend later on. I need some sleep!!!!

mid holidays

2010-07-02T14:36:00.006+08:00

Half of the holidays have passed by. And I'm still slacking at home, didn't want to go to work. I know it's bad to let this long holidays gone to waste at home, but i just don't feel like working. But being at home doesn't seems any better. Everyday it's just me, alone in the house. Every night i see my family for about 4-5hours? And back to the routine when I'm alone again. Feel so useless in this house. This feeling gets worst when i know i couldn't change my thinking. Few days back, i had a dream. I wake up in tears and hope this dream will only be a dream.

It's raining heavily outside now. Wonder where will be flood again. On this kinda weather, it makes me emo more. I looked out of the window. The rain drops were huge and continuously. It seems like an enormous kettle is pouring down. =/

I've been thinking about the past a lot these days. Way back when i was in primary school. I like how dumb and naive back then. Those little admiration i had, i never told anyone. And those bickering i had with some people, thinking of it sometimes bring a smile on my face. =) Later on was secondary school life. It was a place where i grown up very fast and learn a lot. It was also a place where i met all sorts of people, and know something special. Everyday is school but everyday is filled with fun and joy. =D On the other hand, people change very fast too. Some turns better, some turns bad, and so i had a new way of looking at people. Anyway, those days were the days i wish it never end.♥ Moving to next stage, i thought i would go to a JC, but i couldn't and I'm glad i didn't. ☺ Polytechnic sounds better, right? Keke. Everything there were so like a stranger to me. You have to start from the beginning again, to learn every simple things. Know a lot of friends, and amaze they still notice me even though I'm behaving so quiet. =) Oh, and i came to know about how i kept everything inside my heart. Right now i'm still the same. =/ Uni? Needless to say, it is hell. The pace is so fast. You need good brain or you will have to be like bookworm. @_@ Of course I've to turn into a bookworm cause i don't have good brain like others. Some days, i really felt quite lost in Uni. Wondering why am i here? Is it just to escape from the working life?

Holidays~!!!

2010-05-07T00:30:00.005+08:00

The long awaited holidays is here! =D After half year of struggle, I'm really so tired. I still have another 1 week of hostel life before i say goodbye to it. No more hostel onwards, and i have to take train and bus everyday to school starting next semester. Hope there are lesser morning lecture and lesson. xP Anyway, i sort of described my exam period with a little short lame story. Here is it.

Let me tell you how i became a prisoner during my exam period. Initially,i was being trapped in a cell by Mr. Exam. I stayed there for about a week. After that i spotted the bunch of keys on Mr. Exam's waist. (After the first paper) Then i tried to hook that bunch of keys over. And i succeed. =D (After 2nd paper) But now i have a problem, there's too much keys and i need to find it fast. After a night of struggle, finally i found it! (After 3rd paper) And i escape through a long tunnel. There's some distractions here and there but i can't lost focus. I know the exit is in front of me. (One day before last paper) Mr. Exam found me! He pulled my leg and stopped me from running away. I know i shouldn't escape, so i do what Mr. Exam told me to do. (After last paper) Mr. Exam see that I'm in good conduct so he release me earlier! Finally, I smell FREEDOM!!! =D

This holiday is gonna be a long holiday for NTU students cause of the YOG. About 3.5 months of holiday, and Mum said i need to find work. Work is bored, but i need money to buy things, so no choice. What should i find? Have no idea now. Right now i just want to enjoy some relaxation before my project week starts. =)

And i gonna date my friends out. I gonna go shopping for clothes and bags and shoes. I gonna see part of my home in a new look. I gonna go explore places which i never go before. I gonna do this and that, many many things. =D

P.S. Sometimes my imagination become so real x)

exams fever.

2010-04-25T01:53:00.003+08:00

I think this sem is gonna be a disaster too. Right after the first paper, my mood went right down to the bottom. I was still predicting maybe i could at least pass the paper but after i heard all those discussion from friends, my prediction may be wrong. My mood become worst. I knew i shouldn't have hear all those "after paper's discussion". 3 more papers to go. I may be killed by the last paper. Hope the course work marks could pull me up. =/

I'm addicted to this korean drama "You're Beautiful". Every time i watch one episode, i can't wait to see the next. But now is exam period so have to wait.

what makes this heart beats like this?

drained out!

2010-04-10T00:46:00.002+08:00

Been so busy for the last few weeks. Finally has the time to come here to post something.

Exams are just less than 2 weeks for now. After so much time spent on project and assignments, i have to force myself to get in study mode. Seriously, the time i have now compare to last semester is so much lesser. So little time but so much work to do. Is NTU student born to be a robot? Totally amazed by how a school could make a person mentally damaged. And i found out something. I'm starting to get forgetful! Either is the damage caused by school or I'm aging?!!! O_O For goodness sake, I've not even reach my 21st yet, hope it's not aging. =X
And after coming to Uni, i experience the feeling of "peer pressure" even more. The people here are crazy man! Chiong here and there, like there is no tml. All aiming to defeat one another.(in terms of study i mean) I wonder how did i survive in this surrounding. And you know what? I start to feel staying in hostel does not help me mentally, because I'm still in the school!!! I need to bloodly hell get out of school whenever i got the chance. It's becoming like a jail to me already.
And bozhua keep stiring me with some guys. It makes me feel so awkward whenever i pass by or sit with "the guys". Even though i know he is just kidding and making fun, i just can't bring myself to..to like.. interact with "the guys" more? because i don't want "them" to misunderstand any of my actions.
Oh, and i super hate the "dislike/like some people" thing. Even if there is someone that you really don't like, just ignore them right? If they ever come in a friendly way to approach you, let them have the chance. Isn't it better to turn a foe into a friend, rather than keeping that dislike feeling in your heart, which pull you down even more? How long can you live in this world? Maybe you have already done something you regret and can't revert anymore.

Anyway, everything posted here is just my opinion. If any of the points sounds aggressive, i was not referring to anyone. Basically it's just a chunk of ranting i type up there. I just need get rid of this feeling bottled up in me.

p.s. bff, i miss you suddenly. =/

sulking days.

2010-02-23T21:47:00.004+08:00

It's been some time since last blog. CNY is somewhat going to over soon. No festive mood throughout, cause there's so many work to do! School is coming to half a sem soon. I don't know why i had this feeling of don't wanna time to moves on. Maybe I'm too scared of whats next when i grow old. I still can't imagine myself as an adult and getting married, give birth, being a mummy or grandma. The most i can accept now is as a poly student. And yes, i still can't accept the fact that I'm an undergrad now. Everything just happens so fast that i could hardly breath. As i grows old, time seems to ticks faster, like 24hours/day is always not enough.
BFF 21st is coming. Hmm..what should i buy? Pocket's hole is getting bigger. xp

p.s. why do you look so much like him? i can't concentrate now.

random daily stuff

2010-02-02T20:06:00.004+08:00

Alright, it's the 4th week of school now. As usual, no time for resting. x( Right now I'm so eager for CNY to come because of the long break. At the same time, I'm hoping CNY does not come so fast because of the quiz, assignments, project after that. Argh~. There's no enjoyment period in my timetable!!! >=( NO LIFE IN NTU!!!!!!

And why is that there are so many airplanes flying near my hostel here?! It's like every minute got plane flying pass. Is it a flyover here in boon lay? And there is one damn disgusting insect in my room flying about ytd night. I can't sleep because of that, even though i feel sleepy already.

Anyway, i miss home even though i go back every weekend. =(

p.s: sometimes i just want to be an invisible person.

Smile =)

2010-01-25T20:48:00.003+08:00

我相信人总该勇敢的走下去，所以我很努力的往前走。曾经我因为某些事，把我的人生弄得一塌糊涂。花了好长的时间才调整回来。表面上看来我是个乖孩子，可是我有一个叛逆的心。认识我很久的人就会知道。最近我开始发现一种很久没有的感觉又浮现了。是新的开始吗？还是我的幻觉在作祟？总值，我很感谢那些让我又能开心的笑的朋友和家人们。我想我一值一来都是个幸福和幸运的女孩。 =）

another year for me.

2010-01-23T19:37:00.003+08:00

It's already 2 weeks after school has started. What can i say? Totally overwhelmed by all the things that need to be done. It's gonna be a more tedious year than last year. But i must put in more effort to pull up my grades. And I'm glad i make even more friends now. =) Especially with Xinyi around, i can be myself more. I know i need to be confident just by myself, and am learning now. ^^ Looking forward for more smiles from everyone. =D Anyway CNY is coming again. Lol. A year passed by so fast. And it seems so yesterday that CNY is over only. As usual, the tradition is to buy new clothes! Haha. I love wearing new clothes on CNY because it means a new start for me. Talking about new clothes, i need to get a hair cut too. I dye my hair dark brown using the bubble dye. It was fun! Just like shampooing.

Oh, and SHINee is coming to SG on 31st Jan! I want to go see them! It's so rare that Korean group will come SG, so must grab the chance to become a crazy fan. Haha. I wonder who can go with me? O_o My komiChan doll on my blog is almost one year. Happy advanced birthday! Hahaha. XD

i want a "he" too.

2 more days.

2010-01-08T22:30:00.003+08:00

Schools starting soon. I haven get myself prepare yet. One thing for sure, i hate UNI!!! I'm wondering am i wasting my time here studying. Cause i really don't know if i would get a job relating to what i learned. The more i'm growing up, the more i hate myself. I hate adults, so i don't wanna be an adult. Bro ask me about my future, i didn't reply him cause i can't see my future. I try to think but nothing good came out. I'm turning from an optimistic to an absolute pessimistic. What comes next? Depression. I hope i won't go to that stage in my life although a few times i doubt my existence in this world.

Happen to pass by a blog and find that these statements are quite true. Just to share with my readers:

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon.
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.All you can do is be someone who can be loved.The rest is up to them.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

If everything is what we wished for, the world might be a different world now. But it's not, so the world is changing me. Sometimes i envy people whom can get excited by any festive occasion. I lost that feeling during growing up process. Maybe in the future when i have kids, i might develop the feelings again.

Dear God, for the first time I'm truly believing in you. No, not any Gods of any religion but my own guardian that exists. I hope you can overflow me with many many happiness till the darkness in my heart goes away. Only by doing so my smile would returns. I wish to be a happy girl, really. So, please help me.

jaw drops...

2009-12-30T00:17:00.002+08:00

My heart totally sank when i saw my grades just now. Although i expect not good grades but i hope for a pass in everything. BUT I FAILED MY ECONS!!!! DAMN!!! That means i'm gonna take another elective again!!! ARGH~!!!! I so hate myself! =(

curious leads to disappointment

2009-12-29T15:45:00.003+08:00

I just went to check my exam results, and of cause it haven release till tml. But I'm still curious if any other page might release earlier. And so there is! But it only shows my GPA. I was totally disappointed with myself although i expected it. I can roughly guess my grades now. =(
There's no use crying over spilled milk, so i won't cry. But i do hope i can get at least 2nd class lower when i graduate. =/

Some things happened, and i have no confident it will be the same anymore.

a familiar face.

2009-12-18T21:03:00.002+08:00

do you ever have this feeling when you see someone so familiar? You feel that it's that person but you just can't confirm that it's them. And something from the heart react to it. It does seems a bit like the drama i watch recently but it does happens on me. Especially after so long, i almost forget the face of this person.

Sidetrack. Christmas is coming soon, so do my birthday. =) Hope i could have a joyful christmas and birthday this year. And my new year resolution for 2010 is to be a more useful person. =)

have i seen you somewhere?

content.

2009-12-11T02:17:00.007+08:00

It's already the 2nd week of holidays. How fast time flies. My sore throat from day2 has turn to fever and then sore throat and then losing of my voice and now coughing. =_= Why do i have to get sick after exams? Anyway I'm feeling much much better now. =) I'm craving for lots of FOOD!!! And i wanna have lots of FUN!!! Haha. Have been going out so frequently during these days(with my coughing and sore throat). Basically it's catching up with all my friends. U will never know how eager i wish for exams to end when i was mugging in that small room. >_< See that messy notes? It's driving me crazy during those days.And before i left hostel for my holidays, i drew this. Haha.

And i think i'm so broke during year end luh. So many presents to buy. Should i stay at home more to save money? O_o Noooo. Dilemma* Last sat went to celebrate ting's belated birthday at some nice little cafe.

Order a pot of earl grey tea and it taste nice and fragrance. =) Oh and the cafe is called Hairloom & Caramel. The Hairloom part is for hair cutting and Caramel part is for eating. Nice ambiance to chill out. Check out their website to know more. =)

Oh and recently i've been so addicting to korean and english songs. The mandarin songs seems hasn't got much "break through". Spotted a cute guy when i was searching for korean songs. He's my new addiction for now. =D

He is call Nichkhun from a group call 2PM. He has some mixed blood with Thailand. Cute right? Haha =D
K, thats all for now. It's already 3am soon. Yawnz* =_~ Nitez.

cold shivers~

2009-12-03T22:47:00.002+08:00

It's the second day of holiday and i'm down will sickness. =(
Haiz~

dreaming away~

2009-11-10T22:56:00.002+08:00

Exam is just 1 week away. Oh god! And i haven get my mind to study yet. Hope i can pass all modules. =/ Anyway, whats filling my brain now is vacation, vacation VACATION! =D I've been thinking back the times i went cameron highland with my family. A family vacation feels so good. I wonder when can i have another one coming? And the Taiwan trip at march, it feels like god damn years ago but it's actually just months ago. I'm missing all those fun. Wanna experience it again and again but this time with a whole lot bunch of friends whom can get crazy with. =) Actually fen and pw have already said about going HK for the coming march next year. But i has only 1 damn week of holidays in march and i'm not sure if i had things to do on that week. Hais. =/

Argh~ please give me more time to do what i wanna do. >.<

Changes.

2009-11-04T19:47:00.002+08:00

Having live till almost 20 years, i can't say i've been through alot but i have been through what i'm suppose to be. Sometimes a companion, no matter how many people is surrounding you, is the most important person that could ever cross your life. I've yet to find one but i do hope that somebody appears soon cause I've been feeling lonely for these past few years. If there is a someone beside me who will walk with me, how would it feels?

Life is getting so boring. I need something to spice up my life. O_o

a loner.

2009-10-21T19:57:00.002+08:00

Emo stuff is invading my brain again...

Why do i always feel so alone? Not physically left out but mentally left out. I wonder if those i consider as friend think I'm their friend? And i think again, are they just passerby or friends? I know i got the emo look on my face but sometimes it's just the neutral facial expression i has. No, i'm not unfriendly, just don't know how to speak up. I'm trying but seems like I've given up. It's so tired. I don't know why i get so tired so frequently nowadays. If i still stay like this, i think i can give up on the idea of a circle of friends.

And recently I'm getting so paranoid. I keep wondering are they talking about me? Why are they whispering? Am i doing the wrong thing? What should i do? Am i a weirdo?

When i look around, i wish there will be someone i can lean onto.

revive.

2009-10-12T01:33:00.003+08:00

Thank God i didn't break down completely last week. Too much things to handle and too many messed up imaginations. I think i sort of know what i want now. That dream of mine, i shall build it up again, so that at least i have something to look up to when i lost. =)

On the other side, it's e-learning week for engineering modules this week. This means that there's no lecture and tutorial, but we still have labs. That explains why i still need to come back school. I dunno where the hell bro heard this from. He said that only 80 people from computer science for last year Yr1 passed??!!! I was like OMG!!! How can? I don't wanna repeat any modules. It will be so time consuming and wasting energy. I really hope i will use this week to buck up myself. Been in a slacking mood since the day i can't understand most modules. Seriously, all the things that i learned aren't unfamiliar, but i just couldn't get my mind to focus and rewind to all those things in my brain. Argh, this seriously sucks man.

it feels like an all-time summer in hostel. >_<

falling...

2009-10-07T21:50:00.002+08:00

Why is it that i keep wiping but the tears just keep dropping? What is happening to me? Why does it seems like the world that i live in is breaking down soon? What to do?

Tell me this is just temporary...

it goes round n round.

2009-09-30T17:23:00.002+08:00

I don't know how did i end up with a huge mountain on me.
I don't know why am i feeling this way.
I need a space for me to breath.
Let it stop...

Knock out.

2009-09-29T01:45:00.003+08:00

do you catch a breath
when i look at you
Are you holding back, like the way i do
Cause i try and try to walk away
Do you ever think when your all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go
By:Barary

Just some random quote.

Been getting more worried of my studies. It's recess week now and i know i should make use of this time to catch up whatever i'm lagging of. But it's like i finally get a break from the hectic and tired life, i wanna rest myself too. =/ The To-Do list is becoming longer and longer. I wonder when can i clear them. I'm don't know whether i'm mentally or physically tired. Seems like no matter how i rest, i still feel so weak. Totally feel like i am being K.O. x(

there's something which i don't wanna face too.

thoughts.

2009-09-15T20:45:00.003+08:00

School is getting more and more stress. So much concepts formulas and blah blah things to remember. I feel like I'm lagging way back in time. Classmates, friends and all some sort have settle down. But i sinking into another dilemma which i shouldn't have. I can't help myself with all those factors which are leading me into thinking this way. Lets hope i can come up with a solution.

Alright, forget about all those unhappiness. I don't want to type emo stuffs on this blog whenever i come. Last sat was my Hall's Dinner and Dance. It was held at Rendevous Hotel. Overall was quite interesting. It was my first time attending "school 's dinner". It was also my first time having makeup on my face. Don't really used to seeing myself in makeup plus the fact that i didn't wear contact lens. It makes the whole image looks so weird. Anyway, the day ended nicely.

Now, lets talk about my hall. =) Initially i was thinking Hall6? What kind of hall will it be? I went to search for a few photos to take a look at the hall. Was a little bit disappointing when i saw it isn't renovated, but was glad that i didn't kena Hall7. =X Later on, Jennifer filled me in with Sports Hall information of this hall. And i thought would it be everyday going running at the stadium near the hall? And indeed every peeps in this hall is very sporty. But that makes me feel so out of place cause i haven been exercising since i entered poly. In other words, my body is "cui". And i haven been an outgoing person since primary school. So my life moves on with as a companion? I'm sure if i talk and interact more with those peeps, the bond will be stronger. But some things won't reach so easily.

I'm trying...and i hope i could achieve what i want. =)

the third week

2009-08-27T19:10:00.002+08:00

It's already the 3rd week of school. How fast. Getting used to the life here now. But my confident level still remains the same. =/ I so hate myself for not speaking up more, for not expressing what i feel. You know what? Sometimes i wish i hadn't been such a whimp. I feel like i don't even know myself...how am i going to introduce myself to others? This lost feeling makes me feel like giving up everything. The world that i live in...what is it? Soon i might be alone... and drifting away from everyone. Maybe all this is just my negative thoughts, but it's the emptiness in my heart. The belonging is not there...

What should i do to make that smile revive again and make it last?

where have u gone?

Lost?

2009-08-19T21:52:00.002+08:00

I don't know what i am thinking now. Maybe i may type rubbish so no offence to anyone.

After entering Uni, i don't know is me who keep thinking this way or is the truth really this way. I didn't go FOC nor HSOC. All i know is jennifer who is the same course and roomies with me. It's like everywhere i go i'm making friends with jennifer's friends. It's not that it is not good or what. Just that i feel so weird. Everytime when i'm in school, physically i may be having many people around me but mentally i'm alone. Not that i don't want to make friends but i somehow lost my way of communicating with others. Maybe i isolate myself for too long, i don't know. I always hate myself when i am emoing. People will think i'm in bad mood and go further away from me.

I need a support....really..... ='(

2 days to school.

2009-08-09T23:38:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Singapore! =)

9Aug
Went out with fen to town. Saw lots of little red dots all around Singapore. Haha. Went explored Orchard Ion & Orchard Central. Didn't really walk much there cause Ion makes us lost direction and Orchard Central's shops are not open fully yet. Anyway, bought a sandal for school and some snacks. =)

old school fav! =p

Suddenly feels that i need so many things for school and hostel. Blame me for my laziness during holidays. And i know it's my fault for not going any camps or whatever to meet more friends. But i am really not into camp and stuff. Alright, self declared "anti-social". =X I'm a hopeless girl. But i still wanna have fun. All i wish is to travel and travel if i had that kind of money. =( And i have to do something with my hair soon. Super hate it! But i don't know how am i going to revive it. @_@
Haiz. Can i turn back time for a moment? I wanna be a small kid again. =)

5Aug
Sitting alone on the train makes me realize how much i yearn for a companion. I'm always so dependent on others. How do i step forward in my life from now? At one time thinking so eagerly to meet new people, at another time thinking so afraid of whats there. I hate those water droplets. Don't come again anymore.

New Chapter.

2009-08-04T00:12:00.002+08:00

Just left 1 more week and school starts. Haven really have any confident in doing well in my course. Anyway what i study might not be what i will be in future. My holiday mood is still hugging on to me, and the slacking bug just won't go off. =P I wonder what kind of friends will i make in this school. *scratch head*
And i'm stepping on to my 2s this year. How fast. But you know my heart stays young forever! =D Haha. Although sometimes i really do miss the past, i told myself that i would make more beautiful memories to let go of these thoughts. There's still many things that i wanna do before i grows old. Hope i can reach that target.

QET test tml! Hope i can pass.

2009-07-07T17:25:00.002+08:00

Done a quiz at fb. True in some ways.

Enjoy reading. =)

射手座

射手女生可能永远也不会知道自己想要的是什么，但是她一直都很清楚，她不想要的是什么。她总喜欢做幕后的看客，冷冷地，静静地看着一切，在她眼里，一切都在她的意料之中，她并不觉得有什么是新奇的，如果她表现得新奇，那是因为她觉得应该这样做。她像一个看戏的人，永远置身事外。你不要责怪她冷漠，这是她保护自己的唯一方式。她像一只刺猬，随时竖起自己身上的刺，但她的刺不会伤人，她只是用来武装自己。她不敢要太多的爱，她怕享受完爱之后，剩下的只是加倍的痛。所以当别人对她过度宠爱时，她不但不会欣喜，反而会惊惧地逃走，她不知道怎样回报别人对她的爱，如果你得到她的喜爱，那是因为她已经知道如何面对，如何回报了。她追求那种君子之交淡如水的境界。她懂得爱人，但她不习惯爱人，她知道爱往往伴随着恨，而恨，是太沉重的伤痛，也是太容易让人疲倦的感情。她不想痛，也就懒得去恨，于是，为了防范恨与痛的到来，她只好选择不爱，即使爱，也是淡淡的，冷冷的。别怪她，她是真的不知道如何专注。她有时也很虚伪。不要指责她，她之所以选择虚伪，那是你勉强她做她不愿做但又拒绝不了的事，她不习惯承诺，也不懂得拒绝，她最擅长的是难为自己。她不想你难过，只好令自己难过。她总是固执地认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力，她将自己想得太坚强，而把别人想得太脆弱。她老是担心自己的行为会让别人受到伤害。她不知道，受伤的其实是自己。只是她不知道如何表现出来，她迷糊得像别人所认为的那样，将自己当成一个百毒不侵的人。别以为她很洒脱，很多时候，她其实是放不下的。她比任何人都要敏感，都要细腻，但她不会让你知道，她明白，即使你知道了，也是无济于事。她的心是把握不住的风，她渴望像风一样单纯而自由。她不是不想平静，她只是找不到平静的理由，她一生都无法明确自己在人世要扮演的角色，她只有不停地寻求，寻求自己最终的目的。如果她找到了，她会毫不犹豫地停下来，从此放弃心灵的漂泊。很遗憾，她永远也不会满足，她的追求永不停止。她的心再累，无法逼迫自己放弃梦想，梦想是她唯一的支撑点。千万别让她失望。因为她学不会原谅，她非常渴求完美，虽然她知道世间没有绝对的完美，但，她有绝对追求完美的执着。你若令她失望，她会不可挽回地离开，即使她的心在滴血，即使痛楚重得要压垮她的生命，她也绝不回头。那个时候，你在她脸上所看到的，是让人寒心的决绝。即使她还在你的身边，她的心也早就离你十万八千里，你看不到她的恨，但是你会感受到比恨还让人痛苦的冷淡。她的离开是心灵的离开。她可以在前半分钟对你好得让你受宠若惊，也可以在后半钟冷漠得让你不可接受。不要问她为什么这样善变，她也不知道。当你看到她在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时，千万不要迷惑，不管她看起来是多么的疯狂，她内心其实是冷静的，她比你们任何一个旁观者更知道如何处理快乐与悲伤，她只是习惯，也可以说是喜欢将一切都变得疯狂。因为她觉得这是义务，也是权利，她是制造气氛的能手，她的一句俏皮话会让一切轻快起来，但她的一声叹息又会将一切都弄得很沉重。她总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与忧郁。她并不如你们看到的那么快乐，同样，也不如你们看到的那么忧伤，只是，她忧郁时，喜欢带上快乐的面具，而当她快乐时，忧郁又不肯轻易放过她。在她的世界里，盛着的不是快乐的源泉，而是她不愿在人前滴下的泪水。你看到的她，笑起来像一个孩子，你有时会认为她天真得像是童话里走出来的天使。但是，你若有心，你会看到她沉静时脸上挥之不去的忧伤，还有她的眼底，竟那么凝重地积压着一种看破红尘的味道。她只有在午夜无人的时候，才会完全地释放自己。她不会在众目睽睽之下表露她的无助，她的彷徨，她的沧桑。她心里的，是永远流不尽的泪。你所看到的坚强，只是她在竭力掩饰的脆弱。

UPDATES!

2009-05-17T00:12:00.004+08:00

Sometimes i wonder would i still be blogging when i'm 30? Even though blogging at 30 isn't uncommon. But see the date that i last blog, it's 3 months before! Starting to lose that blogging bug uh? Anyway, i'm officially graduated from NYP. Guess i'm the last to say this sentence. Haha.

Had a short vacation to Taiwan with some NYP people somewhere in march. Overall it was enjoying but didn't buy much cause mostly were sight-seeing and not much special item though. That explain why my girls are receiving key chains as present. And peiwen bought a nice & sweet stationary set from Hongkong for me. *smile* After coming back from Taiwan, i had some post syndrome. Was looking forward for any short family vacation trip but there comes recession and i put off that idea.

Went to Jurong swimming complex to play the slides and wavy pool with fen and wen around end of march too. We were in the hot sun for 4 hours and got ourselves SUN BURNT! @_@ My skin on the back and shoulder were peeling and it was so painful that week. And till now i'm still so black luh.

For april, it was basically just slacking at home. I finish Boys Before Flowers, watch Shugo Chara, KO san guo and blah blah blah. Then a picnic outing at Sentosa with fen, wen and jenni during mid april. It was an escape from the busy and boring life in singapore. How i wish island life never ends. =)

Then i went for job interview and now starting the training. I dunno why some sort of stress just come in. Cause there's so many things to remember and has to handle many phone calls. Not too sure if i'm able to take this job for 1 year. Especially now peiwen received rejection letter from both Uni and is thinking of finding other job. If she left, i would be so alone lor. And i haven accept NTU offer yet. There is too much programming in that course, thats why i'm still hesitating. The course fee is also a headache too. Although i don't know mum and dad have how much money for me to study but they keep saying have money to study de la. But i just think it is barely make it only. =/

Lost my way again.

星星啊星星，把我放在虚幻的世界好吗？好不想面对真实的世界，好多烦恼，好多问题，好多是是非非。每条成长的路都是那么辛苦的吗？我宁愿永远不长大，做个开心就笑，伤心就哭的平凡宝宝。看见那模糊的未来，我好害怕走向他。好希望我活在梦里，一切都如我所愿。我只想做回以前那无忧无虑的女孩，可以吗？

他让我想起你

over?

2009-02-28T22:59:00.002+08:00

School's over already. I don't know if I'm ready for the working life outside. But these few days of so called working, i could somehow sense i not ready yet. I applied for Uni, but i don't know if i can enter. And i don't know if i can handle with the workloads there. There are times which i thought i had already grown up and know what i want, but most of the times, I'm lost.

当没有人在期待的时候，
自己还该继续期待吗？
如果寂寞久了，
是不是会麻木了？
酸甜苦辣，
有谁真正体会所有的滋味呢？
在这个世界里，
会有另一个自己吗？

Anyway, was blog hopping just now. Many people post about the double rainbow few days back. I didn't saw it, but well, at least i saw the photo. =)

Leaving for Taiwan in 2days time. Hope this trip could makes me forget everything.

Last week of school

2009-02-04T00:08:00.005+08:00

Woohoo~ I'm indulging in my big mango pudding now. Yup, now is the wee hours and i'm still eating. Haha, blame my gluttony bug x) School is ending soon, REAL soon, like few days time? I still can't believe 3 years of poly just passed like this. It always seems like orientation is just yesterday and i'm gonna graduate tml that kind. Oh god, what have i been doing then?!! O_o

Anyway still left with 2 projects to rush and 2 common tests to mug for. And of cause one presentation for outsider. *sian =.= I'm sure gonna enjoy myself as much as i can before i step into the working world. It's like i haven had a holiday for a long long time. The first thing on my list that is waiting for me is TAIWAN! It's sort of a educational trip by the school but i don't care if i'll be bored by those educational things, as long as i can enjoy and relax myself.

Finally this little ~~girl~~ woman can go abroad. =) How much i yearn for going around the world. My little world map in my head is still so tiny cause the furthest i travel is Malaysia. I wanna orbit swim the world(huan you shi jie). Sometimes it gets you so high to dump Singapore island for a short period. Living here for so many years can really gets you bored sometimes.

Mentioning about oversea, bro is at New Zealand now. Everyone is asking him to bring cow back to SG. Haha. Seriously, i know nuts about NZ except the fact that many cows are there. I've got no idea what bro is bringing back. Hope he is doing well there.

And since i'm a optimistic today, i'm going to change my equation.
Me = living in unrealistic world
Living in unrealistic world = living in fairytales

therefore...

Me = living in fairytales =D

Gonna change my blogskin cause i can't use IE now and my blogskin is dislocate in Firefox. =S

my equation.

2009-01-28T02:04:00.004+08:00

Me = Sagittarius

Sagittarius = Not wanting to grow up

Not wanting to grow up = Peter Pan syndrome

Peter Pan syndrome = Fairy tales

Fairy tales = Non existence

Non existence = Me

=(

2009-01-18T23:13:00.003+08:00

So many things are incoming non stop. The deadlines of projects are getting nearer and nearer but there's just so many things that need to be done. I'm gonna burst soon. It feels like i can't breath anymore. I keep telling myself just one more month to go but why does this one month has to be so hard to pass by? Sometimes i feel I'm not me. It's like my thinking or my actions just doesn't seems to match, and some deja vu stuff. There's things which i think i could do, but end up i don't know anything about it. I feel so stupid all of a sudden. This kind of situation happens again. When i was pri.6 and sec.4 i've been like this too. It feels so naturally that some stress will come in. I don't want to have stress, don't wish my family to hope high on me cause i don't like studying neither do i like working. I need to find back myself, the real me that i'm losing.

CNY is just one week away and as usual no special feel coming. I just wanted to buy new clothes and eat new year's snack and of cause get lots of ang baos. =D I wonder if people nowadays celebrate CNY just because they have to or really understand it's meaning.

Anyway, my com is getting some mental problem with its system. And i lost so many links la. It's all in my favourites! Now i don't know where i could find them. Vexed.

Argh, all this emo shit. Maybe cause of PMS.

i wish to be the angels in your eyes too, but you're just too far from me.

december.hectic.

2008-12-23T01:27:00.002+08:00

Wow, it has been so long since i update. Spider web forming already. =p

So many things i need to update. First is the common test. I think this is the worst test i've taken cause everything was left to the very last minute to study. Was already prepared for any worst scenario.

And next was the tons of project waiting for me to finish. Just by seeing the number of things need to be done already gives me headache. You know what? I haven start on any yet. Die man.

Last weekend was a big enjoyment cause it's my birthday! =D Haha. I'm so glad it turns out so successful. No serious arguement. No big big problem. Happy us at the chalet. =) But one thing is i didn't invite much people on my side. Majority were elaine's friends. And my clothes look like a towel. LOL. Wasn't in my best state but not my worst state either. Anyway, i enjoy myself. Thanks everyone for making this year birthday so special.

Next on the list is christmas! Many can't make it for the outing. =( But still, hope i could enjoy myself that day. Pray that day is not humid cause i don't want to get all sticky and sweaty. =X

It's end of the year soon, so its time for countdown too. =) Right now, left 8 more days before year 2008 ends. I want to go some countdown party or any countdown activity. It's the last year of poly, i want it to be a blast of activities. Enjoy myself to the fullest. ;)

I need to plan some time for CNY clothes too. Everything is going so rush.

Grant my wishes.

up up and away~

2008-11-03T22:28:00.005+08:00

Watched 20th Century Boys on last saturday. Not a really good movie but not too bad too. Basically it's just about little boy's childhood fantasy coming true and "playing" with one another. And the logo is abit lame when you know it's bug's eye plus pointy finger. Holds no meaning. Anyway some super heroes thing la. Celebrate AP's birthday on Saturday, and glad she is happy. A new bag for her! But guess she needs some time to get used with the bag. Haha.

It's already november. How fast time goes. Piling up of things to do are moving slow. Anyway mum bought a mattress for me! It's like finally i got a proper mattress in my whole life. You can compare how thick and thin the 2 mattress are. Comfy bed makes me get weird dreams. Haha. Maybe just because i'm lacking of sleep that makes me had these dreams.

And i'm going tekong this wednesday! It is part of NE lecture to go visit the BMTC school. Although been there once, i'm still quite excited. Haha. And bro's friend show me one video of a person without limbs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USUvzKDroqM

Quite amazing for a person with no limbs able to live so well and so successful. Thinking whether to go for the talk tml cause there's school the next day and don't want myself to get so tired. And there's still so many "i don't know" things to do. Haha~ i don't even know what i'm talking now.

Smile* =)

weekends

2008-10-12T01:09:00.003+08:00

Finally it's weekend!!! =D For the start of the first week, everything is stressing me out already. New software programs to learn, big projects, small homwork, presentation for outsider at the end the sem and some miscellaneous factors. Big kid is not so easy to be. And this holiday mood is still in my mind.

School is so, so, so boring. I didn't have enough sleep for the first week cause the habit of sleeping late still can't be change. And for saturday, i slept till almost 3pm before i wake up. It was raining so it feels so cosy and comfy in my bed. Haha. Will try to change this habit if not i can't pay attention in class.

Anyway these few days have been playing with facebook, listening to new songs, checking out dramas and looking for movies. Typical life, nothing special.

summer dreams.

coldness...

2008-10-07T23:09:00.002+08:00

First day of school was no good. Second day of school was no good either. But what could i do. Getting from cold to colder and maybe going to frozen. It's so hard to continue studying when you know you're in the last sem. What's going to happen to all of us when we graduated? This question has been in my mind for a long long time. I need my sunshine to guide me through.

reverse the time.

souless

2008-10-05T03:02:00.002+08:00

As complicated as it seems, i don't know what i'm doing anymore. It feels that my body doesn't link to my mind, my soul. Sometimes i wish i wasn't shihui for just a moment.

end of Sept.

2008-09-29T02:37:00.004+08:00

It's almost the end of my vacation but why does it seems that i still have many things haven done. =/ I haven get myself a new bag, a fresh new set of clothes and my hair. =( Seriously i don't know what to do with my hair. It sucks. Aaaaa... tell me what to do. And talking about school reopen, it makes me somehow nervous again. Haven been studying for almost 7 months, how am i going to catch that study FEEL again. And its gonna be a brand new classmates for next semester. Lets hope everything will be the "happy family" atmosphere in the new class. =)

Anyway have been watching lots of drama at home, all are taiwan shows and some movies online. I think i'm going to be a drama addict soon. And heard from dad that aunt(or uncle?) strike 4D third prize and the numbers are from grandpa. Dad keeps on saying "aiya, why i buy never strike? I don't have money buy then strike?" (-_-) It's fate, dad. And recently i've been having dreams that makes me miss the past. And for the month of October i think i will be fat soon. Cause on the 3rd is FYP mates BBQ, and on 18th is sec school gathering, BBQ too, and another BBQ for aunt's house warming. 3 BBQs in a month, OMG. Tml still have to accompany Mum for some check up. It's getting late but i'm not sleepy but i've to sleep. Lol.

Off to my bed. =)

Boredness during FYP.

cheese LOVER

2008-09-05T13:55:00.004+08:00

Just came back from gym. Hope i can be as slim as before. =X Anyway elaine has gone to Perth for 1 month!!! How i wish i have the ability to go overseas that long too. It goes, I need money, so i need to work, but i hate to work, but i need money. It's all a cycle. But i'm a lazy bum now so no working for me. =p Recently i seems to have a likeness for cheesy food. Monday went to have dinner with elaine before she fly off. Me and ting share a baked rice and potato salad. It was yummy. =)

And after having that baked rice, i decided to do one at home too. I kind of follow what the tv is doing, using cheese slice. And tada~

Hehe. Does it looks nice? O_o I told mummy it taste good and she wants me to do one for her too . (-_-) Although the rice is a little tasteless, the cheese saltness is enough for the taste. =) Hmm...nothing for me to update now.

Bye =)

vacation =)

2008-08-19T03:19:00.004+08:00

No more counting down, its finally vacation for me! =D 3 months seems so fast in FYP. I will miss all the ppl in my lab. =D Although my bonding with them is not strong, but there's still a bond between us. I wonder what i'm going to do for this vacation other than going gym for slimming. Never really plan for this holiday but i will enjoy myself to the fullest of cause. Lets see, i actually need to buy lots of things, bags, clothes, some accessories maybe, and getting a phone plan??!! I don't know my last item can be fulfilled cause i would need someone to support me since i doesn't have income now. =( Mummy has been letting me use prepaid all along as i don't really spam sms or calls. But i can see now that my usage is getting larger, i would need a phone plan sooner or later. Anyway i wrote some of my thoughts during FYP on 11 august. It feels strange to have that feeling. Below is the thought:

"Sometimes i wonder if people can remember their past life. Because recently i keep havingimages in my mind that happened to me before but i can 100% sure that it didn't happen to me in my whole life.Is it my past life? Or is it something thats gonna happen? I don't know. The feeling keeps getting stronger and stronger. It shouldn't be my dream, right? It's likei remember bits and bits of things as i see certain things. Sounds like i've got amnesia uh? I don't know what is happening to me. I just feel that there is certain things inside of me which i don't know."

That feeling does gets stronger during that few days but not now anymore. Maybe i was stress about my project and had some illusion feeling??!! But i shall not let that thing bother me cause i doesn't feel it anymore.

Dad came back with a bandage hand. I was shock. His hand seems so swollen. The only sentence he reply from the moment he came home to sleep was "4 sitches." He must have been so pain to answer me any question. =( Heartbreak to see him always getting hurt from work. Suddenly i feel Dad has grown old. Maybe some task that he used to do wasn't able to do smoothly now. His health seems detoriating too so do mum's. Sometimes i thought, they wouldn't have to work if i was able to support myself. Blame me for being so pampered. =( This may be the last school holiday i'm having now cause i'm not sure if i'm able to get into a Uni. Alright, i shouldn't be so emo on the start of vacation right? Lets just hope everything goes my way. =)

i drew the face x)

in the midst of no where. running free. =)

week9

2008-07-24T08:59:00.003+08:00

I wonder how am i going to present my project. Seems that i'm the only one slacking here. Anyway I'm counting down the days to end of FYP. It's so bored staying in the lab especially when you don't even know what web to surf anymore. Everything just keep repeating and repeating in a cycle. Aaaa~ i don't know what to blog now.

long long ago

2008-07-22T01:36:00.004+08:00

It's 1.38am now and i'm still awake at here blogging. Been gaming these few days. Mum is nagging at my ears again. School has a sleepy environment which i can't stop yawning. And my lab has got super cold air-con which got me shivering most of the time. And we've got visitors who make us look like some zoo animals. *snap snap* Anyway, i was in daze most of the time. Thats how bored it is. Gotta go, nitez all. =)

it's nearer to my vacation. =)

2008-07-19T17:37:00.008+08:00

OMG! JaeJoong and Yunho are my LOVES! XD And YooChun is my bestfriend and brother. Haha. I'm going crazy. =) You need to highlight the text in the box to see my name, something wrong with the code. =)

love is a miracle.

2008-07-19T16:47:00.004+08:00

I can't believe i cried so much last night. It's been such a long time since i cried like that. The last time is when i was watching One Litre of Tears. Guess the drama really brought out alot of feelings in me. Yeah, it's Absolute Boyfriend (Zettai Kareshi). It was really a good drama and a good ending that doesn't leave you to regret. Was watching it in the middle of the night and i keep crying during the last few episodes. My sleeves were very wet by the time i finish the last episode. Lucky mum and dad were already asleep by then, or else they would think i am crazy. In fact i'm still crying when i'm in my bed. I don't know. That kind of feeling just kept swirling in my mind. Even thought i had watch the manga before, the drama had some parts which are unexpected too.

In just 4 weeks time, FYP is going to end. Somehow it just seems so much faster then IAP days. Working life is the most tiring, right? Sometimes i wish the pace could be slower down abit. A country life might suits me for now just to escape from the bustling city.

I wish to have a story of my own, but can i?

boredness moment

2008-07-15T17:11:00.003+08:00

I'm so tired of FYP. Everyday 8:30 to 6 timing at the lab is really draining me out. Vacation~ do you hear me? Can you come faster? (-_-) I hate you, school. I'm going crazy sooner or later. This kind of life is far worse then me slacking at home. Aaaaaa...someone save me!!!

i live in fantasy =)

i wish...

2008-06-23T01:42:00.003+08:00

I wish I wish I wish...

i wish i know what i want in my life.

i wish i can stop having dreams.

i wish there's no troubles in this world.

i wish i can sleep forever, not having to worry anything.

i wish for a someone to take me out of here.

i wish i could change.

walking alone

endless thoughts

2008-06-11T09:33:00.002+08:00

It's already week3 of FYP. Seems so fast but so slow when i'm in the lab. I hope the lecturer can be linear to me cause i've been really slack. I don't like the feeling of working alone cause i aren't independent at all. I so wish i was a 5 year old kid, so that i could cuddle my pillow all day and not think of anything. And somehow i think i lost memories or what. I need to read back my post to recall what has happen. I'm like living like a robot? My mind could just become empty like some wires in me just snap off. And then i will start to day dream. I hate this kind of life. It makes me so..so..so lifeless? Feel like a wandering soul in the school. Sometimes all these emotions just make me hard to breath.

Fly, bubble fly. Take me to anywhere, just don't burst.

wk2

2008-06-05T13:41:00.002+08:00

I'm getting so lazy these few days. The things that my supervisor told me to do, i can drag like nobody business. And i didn't even bother to ask him about his requirements. (-_-)" Total slackness. Now i so hope i'm having my holidays. And i still can't accept the reality that i'm in Year 3 now. I don't wish to step into the society, guess i'm too pampered. When i was little girl, i wish i could know and do everything the adults do. But now, i rather i don't know anything and be a little kid. Human is always so contradicting. They never get satisfied with their life. After hearing so many tales or info from the ppl around me, i wonder how did i survive to the age of 19. Talking about age, i realised this year is my last teen birthday. I'm getting so old!!! Omg. And i start to think about what kind of life i will have when i grow up. Romance? Married? Children? Growing old? Is this the procedure of life? In fact, i don't know what i want. I'm person with no goal or speciality. I only have big big dreams that are most likely can't be achieved. And my brain is like getting emptier as time goes by. It's not absorbing any info. Argh~ enough of this mixed emotions.

Recently been addicted to the cute little Tzuki emoticons. I know i'm a bit too late, but who cares. =) The movements are all so adorable and funny! (>_<) Anyway, i wanna go shopping! GSS is here and i haven even step into any shopping malls yet. FYP is really draining me out. Whole day sitting at the com makes my shoulder ache so much. And my labmates seems to be getting along so well with each other except me. I feel like a zi bi kid. (-_-) But i'm NOT! I just don't know what to talk about. I am brain dead! Oh, and recently i done a quiz or whatever. It seems so accurate. It's like almost every quiz i take on this topic, the result will be the same. But i'm still doubting myself.

Missing those childhood times.

FYP!!!

2008-05-28T15:05:00.003+08:00

After awaiting so long for IAP to end, i'm finally starting my FYP. But i'm not enjoying abit of all these, whether it is IAP or FYP, it totally sucks. Can't use msn messenger and the meebo keep disconnect me. Feel so isolated in my own corner. The lab mates are all so quiet. All doing their own things, so hardworking. Unlike me, i'm suppose to design 3 logos and 3 banners for my supervisor to see and i've only work a little. Why am i able to blog now? Cause there's no teacher and DT around. And why DT matters so much? Cause i just sit beside him, and i think he is the spy for my teacher. Anyway, last sunday was cousin's wedding. And it just so happen another couple was holding wedding at the same place as us. So practically we were hearing the same procedure twice. Haha. Double happiness eh? And i'm going to attend another relative's wedding next monday. Aww~ so many happiness filling the atmosphere. Hee.

Been wanting to redesign my blog but seems like i've got no time. Everyday after i reached home, it's always so tired. Even playing games can fall asleep. (-_-) Opps, my DT is back. Better stop blogging now orelse he may tell me off.

Haha. Interesting knife holder.

Oooo

2008-05-06T00:56:00.003+08:00

It's already May! Counting down 13 more working days to end of IAP. I was pending for this day to come yet i'm afraid of whats after it. I want a break!!! It has been such long time since i last enjoy myself. Thinking of the past, there were so much memories, good and bad. And i suddenly feel that i'm old already. Why does time pass so fast while i'm not noticing? Anyway Mother's Day is coming, and i don't know what i will be doing. =/ Maybe discuss with bro first. And i am so glad my IAP period has 3 public holidays. =) The last one will be a long weekend.
I find that i've been eating alot recently, hope i don't grow fatter. Hmm, nothing much to update, working life is boring! Especially in this kind of no colleague situation, and you have to go lunch alone. It is just so dreadful!!! The next one to replace me, i just have to wish him/her good luck.

No matter what i do, all i think about is you.

2008-04-17T22:17:00.003+08:00

Tommorow is FRIDAY! Haha. I love weekends more than ever now. Working life is so tiring. Now i understand why adults always say studying is the best. Yup, i think so now. The kind of you only have school work to worry about feeling, i kinda miss it. Secondary school's days are the most memorable. Cause that's when i'm really expose to the world, when i change so much, when i grown up so much, when i experience so much, when i understand so much. There's so many things that make up the present me. I want my future to be better and better. I want IAP to end faster. I want my FYP to be with my friends. I miss my girls so much. I want shopping. I want vacation. And the list goes on and on. But most importantly, what i need now is a nice long sleep and a sweet dream to make my day. =)

when life seems bored.

The 2nd month

2008-04-04T01:02:00.003+08:00

It's already April. Right now i still don't like my job. I bet for these 3months my feeling will stay somewhat the same. My dark circles are getting from bad to worse. And no matter how much i had for my sleeping time, i always get sleepy during work. Even if i'm not sleepy at first, the long journey to work will sure put me in sleepy mode. This is so bad. And i hate my boss. He's a weirdo. At least i could get along with my supervisor who is so much friendlier than him. And these few days kept seeing a ren yao(half-guy half girl people). I can't be sure he/she is a female/male. Anyway it's none of my business. I miss my girls! Seems so long since we last met although it's just 2 weeks. It's already halfway of IAP. Let all these end soon, please. I should be going to bed now orelse i would get more nagging if i'm not in clear mind.

so tired to the extreme that i can't plan my future.

Will i go the wrong path?

It's Sunday!

2008-03-30T01:07:00.002+08:00

It's already one month since the start of IAP. Everything was getting a bit better. But one thing i hate is, i have to give a reply to the boss next week on what can be improve on the web. I'm just too lazy to work on it. Seriously, i've got no motivation in this company. Nothing's wrong with the company nor the people, just me who can't adapt the working life of this job. Haiz, anyway i've got my pay already. Although its very little, but it still give me some satisfaction. =) Oh and i'm now blogging with my new CPU. =D It's definitely faster then that old and slow and buggy(as in virus) com. I want to install Photoshop CS3 but i can't find the serial, so can't play around with photoshop and other designing programs yet. I'm missing my life in the past. My life when i was still a secondary girl. Life was so much better way back, but i know i shouldn't stay on in the past. Since the start of IAP, the time spent with my family and friends have gotten lesser and lesser. I just want a proper break to have my mind in relax mode. There's some kind of emptiness inside me which doesn't go away.

i need to change, somehow.

week3 day1

2008-03-18T00:26:00.009+08:00

It's the 3rd week of IAP already. Time is not going fast nor slow. The everyday routine is tiring me out. Plus the flu i'm having now, my working progress is greatly affected. My mind wasn't so right today. I almost make a mistake that the company might has some lost. And there's mosquitoes in my house. Makes me itchy all over. And home's pipe is having some problem. If the tap is turn on too big, the water will came gushing from the hole on the floor, and then flood. Bro went to buy parts for the new cpu. He hasn't come home yet. Think he will be staying over at his friend's house. And wed off he go to search for that Mas Selamat(spell correctly?) Won't be back till 2 weeks later. Haiz. That damn person makes the whole sg couldn't have a peaceful day. And i wonder if there is God in heaven? If there is, can they hear my prayer? I just want myself to be more smarter. At least the IQ & EQ for my age. I feel so dumb in everything. Feel like i couldn't do anything smoothly. I want to be independent but independent makes me feels lonely. Sometimes i just wish i hadn't grown up, hadn't understand so much. Enough of this emo entry. Some random pictures from don't know when till today's.

It's 1+am now, gotta go sleep. Nightz all.

extreme tired

2008-03-13T22:19:00.004+08:00

Ah~ I feel like i'm a part-time maid plus admin! Does an admin really need to do so many stuff??? And the boss talk to me today. He said he have a project for me. O_O It is to improve on the current web or add any things which is useful to the company. OMG. I really have no mood to crack my mind for now. I'm already content being an admin. I don't want any other stress anymore. Argh. Nvm, when he finds that i don't have the heart to do, maybe he will give up. Haha. Be happy, ShiHui. Tml is FRIDAY!!! Yeah~ 2 weeks have passed. Left about 10 more weeks. (-_-) Although i'm already getting use to my job, i still doesn't like it. Sometimes i wonder what is my strengths? Is it really the path i wish to take now? I don't know. I need support and comments. What will i be in future? I used to dream about being a singer when i was young but not now. I used to dream about being interior designer but where do i get the skills? My dream seems to pass by one after another. Which is the one that i'm going for? It's already the last year in NYP and i haven plan my future yet. Gonna be so lost when i step into the society. And i have been thinking about lots and lots of things while working. My brain's gonna burst soon. Anyway, results of the last semester gonna be out next week. Getting so worried about it. I had a very strong feeling that my GPA is going to drop.

Maybe i'll just hold back the tears.

When will you be within my sight?

Week 2

2008-03-11T22:12:00.003+08:00

It's the second week of IAP and still the same. Work is boring. I miss my girls. Met them at amk after work today. I reached there quite late cause was being delay by that supervisor. I don't like her, not because she was mean but her attitude is weird. Suddenly hot suddenly cold, won't get what she wants. Anyway, was a short meeting with the girls. Tml have to work again. Sigh. Why doesn't time goes faster?! FYP-bored till no life? IAP - sucky life. Bro will be back tml! Finally, after 3 weeks of torture in Brunei. Haha. And yeah, i will be leaving office early tml cause i am going to attend the "Welcome back Heros!" party. LOL. Bro said it was mend to be a surprise for those army guys but all the parents went telling them already. (-_-)" So no surprise for them. Lalala~ let me escape to the heaven. >_<

Somehow sweet~

The start of hell days...

2008-03-08T12:24:00.004+08:00

Aaaaah~ what a draining week. IAP starts on 3march, and all i can say is i hate the job. Imagine yourself having to face only two person everyday with the renovation workers. You don't even have colleague to talk to! The whole office is just the three of us! And i have to do so many things because i'm the only so called "employee" there. The supervisor keep on nagging and nagging. How i wish time flies now. I rather have FYP then IAP. At least i am not at some place which i don't like. And thank God, the weekend is here. I can only endure through the 3 months. And i can't celebrate fen's birthday this year because i have to work. Going to celebrate a belated one today and so does PW's one which wil be next week. And this morning i wake up in somewhat surprise feeling because i had a unexpectable, unbelieveable, so real dream. I gone crazy when i woke up. How can i have such dream?!! I'm not going to tell anyone this dream cause it's just so "crazy"? Ahh~ okay, going out soon. Bye peeps. =)

Just when i thought it will goes on forever..

poof*

everything's gone.

leap year 2008

2008-02-29T23:28:00.004+08:00

Today, Febuary 29 2008. A day added once every 4 years. Things that happen today may took you a life time to wait. It may be really special but i'm glad that there's no special incident to remember. Went to had Suki Sushi buffet at Cine. We gobble up quite a number of plates the moment we start. And i think we order quite a number of plates of other sushi too. People from other table and even the staffs were staring at us. x) After munching for about 2hours, everyone except ping went out to walk awhile for digestion. Think the staff might be thinking that all of us are running away. Haha. Went back ate some fruits and cream puffs and i can feel that my stomach is bloated. Left the place about 3pm and went to catch The Leap Years. The theatre was full. It was a nice story and very touching. Consider a very special movie to watch for this particular day. I would rate it 4stars. =D There's this line - Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. There's this coincidence that i may not forget for the rest of my life. But it came unknowingly and left so sudden. And it remains somewhat anonymous too. Anyway, had so much thoughts in one day. Two days left before attachment starts. Feeling very vexed. Especially when the place is so far away and so alien to me. And cheap labour of $440 pay. Nothing that makes me looking forward for it. And the word "working", does it sound related to me? I am so lousy in working. Feel like a noob in everything. All i experience is school. And right now i still don't know what kind of work i am doing. That makes me even more scared. If they give me complicated work which i hate, i think i will breakdown. I hate the lonely feeling even though i know in future i will experience this too. Just doesn't want to grow up so fast. Already 18 and i feel like i am still 15. I don't want to be an adult and never want to be one. There are so many things that kept me thinking and thinking. Not going to blog about them. I need to rearange my feelings before i can do anything now.

Happy Leap Year to everyone! =)

i should have wake up long time ago...

moody

2008-01-31T22:11:00.000+08:00

When everything came crashing down on you, you know it isn't right. Especially when it's your mens time. You just get mood swing all the time. You can't really concentrate on things. And all those emotions came gushing to you. And sad to say, this falls on me right now. It's the second day of CT. The papers are fine but i'm not going to score well. Right now, everyday that passed is a day nearer to departing everyone. I don't like this kind of feeling. It feels so alone although physically you are not. No one can be of much help but i still pray for this someone to appear soon. Thinking back, when was the last time i smile truely and from the bottom all my heart? It must have been around a few years? I'm not too sure either. I tried to bring out more smiles. They weren't fake smiles but just not the one that i want. Maybe some day i will escape from this hectic world, just maybe.

long long time...

2008-01-22T05:30:00.000+08:00

Hi people. It's already 2008 now. I know i'm so late to blog about new year and stuff. 1month seems to be so short for most people but seems so long for me. School is getting more and more boring each day. And the common test are like about 1 week later?! I'm worried about it but i just can't get myself to study mode. And i absolutely don't look forward for the attachment, fyp and year3 stuff. It just get me headache. Anyway, CNY is just 2weeks away from me. I am eyeing on those ang baos. Haha. And i haven get my new year clothes yet. Will be going on a last minute shopping after CT. To me, CNY is getting more boring each year. I still remember sleeping through the late afternoon till evening after collecting all the ang baos. See? How boring can it be? It's always the same routine with all the mahjong and poker and chit chat. "Life is boring."quoted from AP. LOL. And lets see what is the time now...5.49am!!! Haha. I must be mad to be blogging at this hour. It's not isommia or what, i slept from 1a.m to 4a.m on the sofa. Haha. Mum is already awake and getting ready for work. Better go sleep now. Will blog again when my blogging bug comes.

Wanted: a beautiful life that shines

CRASH!

2007-12-02T02:07:00.000+08:00

One more week to common tests! I can die soon. Why does time passed by so fast? I still have so much projects to do even though it seems that i had already submit a lot of reports. I'm so looking forward for the two weeks break but now it doesn't seems so. The pace for every semster just got faster and faster. And i went to look at the school reopen date for next half semster, it says 31 dec??!!! That's the first time i ever came across school starting in last day of the year. Anyway for the time moment i still have to mug for the 200 questions for WDD and 30+ questions for IP. Madness!

There are so many things which i think i had already forgotten and wouldn't care so much. But when time takes me back to that moment, i can't deny that i am still confused. I guess i can't know what's the feeling until i experienced it. I hope i won't hang at this kind of moment for long.

school? like NOT!

2007-11-21T23:29:00.000+08:00

Currently listening: Wilber Pan - 说你爱我
When i just wish to be alone sometimes, why do i get more attention? Life is not smooth. My WPDP is ruined. My EC test tml is not going to be any better. My tons of projects are gone case too. There's just not a bit of liking to school. Everyday my steps to school just got heavier and heavier. It's like i am tied with a super duper heavy rock, so tiring. Sometimes i just wish i could throw this burden away. But i know if i did, i would be a gone case. It seems that 24hours are not enough for me for a day. I am craving for more time. This semester is a disaster. Anyone could have killed by it. Would i be the next victim?

i need some time alone. Give me time.

boring boring~

2007-11-09T13:14:00.000+08:00

School is boring again! No mood to start my WDWP project. Tuesday went to celebrate AP birthday. It was fun. Next target would be TT. Haha. =D And the movie The Seeker was good, at least it did not bored me. And Stardust was great too! =D And lalala..i don't know what to blog. I want renovate my house. I want new furnitures. I want new computer. I want new phone. So many things that i want but when can they be fulfilled? The weather is getting cold nowadays. Seems that everyday has to rain at least one time. K, thats all, school's com is very lousy.

2007-10-27T23:16:00.000+08:00

Saw on the news that two boys were smash by the trian while relaxing on the railway. There were some other friends around at that time. Can't imagine if i were at the scene, so bloody. I would have faint if i saw the accident happen. And i suddenly remember my last post's quote. There, i know the answer. But if it is me, i would have relax on an old railway which no trian pass by.

School is getting boring each day. Some lecturers just cannot make it. And two weeks just gone like that. Nothing has been done on those projects. Started playing Audition two days ago. Been hearing some friends playing it but have not really try out since last two days.

Oh and mummy's birthday is tml. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MUMMY!!! =D There's so many birthday peeps at year end. Pocket gonna get a hole soon. Haha.

where can i find you? when would you appear?

weekTWO

2007-10-23T00:53:00.000+08:00

It's already the second week of school. And there's assignments to be hand in by week3. And lots more projects and mini projects to be done. But there's no motivation to do anything now. The study mood won't be back till the last minute. This is absolutely bad cause this sem is so rush. Plus the weather season at this period, all i could feel is tiredness and laziness. Ah~ i don't know what to blog. School life is so boring and uninteresting.

relaxing on a railway. what is the consequence?

A long day

2007-10-18T01:13:00.000+08:00

School started 3days ago. Everything seems fine to me except for those assignments and mini projects datedue are so near. Like what pw said, now is just the honeymoon period. The only time when you could still enjoy your life the way you want. But after these, there's gonna be hell days for us. Anyway, after school today went bugis to shop around. There are sales everywhere around us. I dont know what season is now that makes everyone slashing the prices. Initially wanted to get a bigger and nicer bag for school but i don't know why i hesitated. It was a nice day with bestie. It has been a long time since we stay till so late outside. Having a 8am class tml which is today cause it's already 1+am. Argh~ my black circles gonna get darker and darker. And my eyes will get smaller and smaller, and i will get fatter and fatter, and uglier and..and...
Ahh~ i must be crazy to think all these things. Must be the clock in me that is causing all these. Been sleeping late for the past 1 month. How am i going to adapt to the timetable now?! And i hate spending money on expensive books again. I just remember i haven ask my friend about exchanging book. Forget it, i will ask tml. Damn tired now. To think we actually go in a department store to look for seats just now. Haha. =)

这一条路

我已经走得太累了。

我的脚步开始沉重眼神涣散

我只想安静地躺着

然后听风在耳边嬉戏

然后沉沉睡去

天黑会不会让我忘了你是谁

其实我只想忘记自己是谁

BACK!!!

2007-10-08T22:40:00.000+08:00

I'm BACK!!! Change my layout but too many images, need some time to load. =X

Firstly, Happy Birthday to Daddy!!! =) Went Bottle Tree Village yesterday to celebrate cause bro had to book in camp yesterday. The prawn balls and fried tofu are nice. *yummy* It is located near the coast so the ambience was nice. And i already gave daddy his present few weeks ago cause i can't hide the present from him. Haha. And found out that their other outlet is at the fishing farm near Khatib mrt. The one that i always passed by but don't know what is the place. If you want know more can go to their website- http://www.bottletree.com.sg/

Anyway, it's less than a week before school starts. I really really don't wanna go school. All i know is that my life is going to change from heaven to hell. And i super duper HATE "com skill" this module. It sucks but i know everyone has to take this module, so i am not suffering alone. Haha.=D Hope this sem all the lecturers are nice people. K thats all for now. =)

away i go

2007-08-31T23:33:00.000+08:00

I'm getting so tired of my life now. I don't know what makes everything seems bored to me. Sometimes i feel like struggling, sometimes i feel like i can enjoy everything. Maybe something is lagging in my life. Maybe it's just me being paranoid. Wait till i found it, this blog is going in hibernation.

free and away

2007-08-30T02:16:00.000+08:00

It's OVER! Exam ended and so does this crazy semester. Freedom is the word to describe my feeling. I couldn't care for the results anymore cause i know it would drop. Just hope i won't repeat any module. And for this break, i have no plan. I just wish to work and enjoy. And recently i watched lots of movies online. Guess this is the best activity to do when you are bored at home. =) I slept 11hours on the first day of my holidays to mend for the past few days of struggling. Craving for lots of food recently, hope i won't get fat. =X

hiding away

Emptiness

2007-08-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

I can't get myself to start studying. Can't get the mood right. I did take out the books and notes but i just stared at it. Time is running out. I have a bad feeling for this coming exams. I don't know what is this kind of feeling, but i know it's blocking me from studying. Why do i keep on having emotions which i don't know what it is. Nothing makes me feel right. Everyday i refuse to wake up from my bed. I wish i could just sleep and sleep cause this time i feel really tired. I like the sunshine that shines on me when i open my eyes. I like the morning breeze that blows through my windows. I like the bolster that i hug everynight. But i don't like the routines of my life after these. The colors on me are getting dull each day. Eventually, everything will turns black. And the world is so big, it's amazing how two strangers met. There's a stranger but it's impossible.

down

2007-08-06T23:40:00.000+08:00

Tml is doom day. And i am 90% sure cause i just can't get the info store in my brain. Brain blockage. Nothing works now. It's not a test on knowlege, it's a test of memory. IS test is gonna be the worst ever cause i wasn't listening at the lectures except one or two. I think most people hate it too. I gonna try stuffing info in my brain again before going sleep. My eyes are holding back the tiredness. I feel so machine.

oh no.

2007-08-01T22:58:00.000+08:00

1 August

It's hell today. NTP's presentation was soso only. IS lab test is gone. Accounting paper is gone. And there's RAD lecture and lab test tml!!! I can't make it, really. Someone with a sick brain like me, can't really memorize and think properly right now. And common tests are coming. Teach me how to survive in this world please.

[i know an apple per day keeps the doctor away. But right now, nothing helps.]

31July

I shall die tml. x( There's NTP presentation and Accounting test and the IS lab test which i am still unsure about. And right now, i still can't get all the formulas for accounting in my head. And the presentation, i don't know how well can i make it. That stupid lecturer ask us to put make up and wear formal. Why other lecturers didn't care about formal but this does? I hate formal. Argh~ i just wish this sem ends faster. I feel like a crazy student, always rushing for projects, tests and assignments. Lesser fun times, year three would be worst, am i right? And why does our course has so many modules? The animation project which i haven even start, is gonna die too. Now that i look at the paper more clearly, i find that it is harder than what i imagine it is. At first i have about 50% confident, but now it drops to 30%. I have no idea where should i start. Arrrr~ can i cry? (-_-)

[blow blow~ Blow my troubles away.]

crazy weeks!!!

2007-07-23T23:34:00.000+08:00

1 more project down. 3 more to go. Animation,NTP and OOAD.
DDI quiz this wed.
Innovation lect and RAD lab make up this wed.
Animation test this friday.
IS makeup next wed.
Accounting common test next wed.
RAD tests next thursday.
Common test follow up and its exam.

Damn all these crazy schedule. Not a bit of time to breath. If only something can kill all these... O_o

Food!!! Yes, its food. Doesn't them look appealing? Haha. I need food for energy. =) Delicacy might give me more energy. =p

Who is your DBSK best friend, husband, lover, boyfriend and brother
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
Best Friend	Yoochun
Brother	Yoochun
Lover	Yunho
Boyfriend	JaeJoong
Husband	JaeJoong

This Quiz by lalilo - Taken 478 Times.