A new sem.

Tml is the start of a new semester again. It's gonna be a new start for me. No more hall, no more waking up a bit late, no more familiar faces, no one to accompany me to walk that slope that i used to walk. To tell the truth, i really enjoyed my life in hall. But you know sometimes you'll feel super lonely there. You know how i envious most people could mingle well with one another. But it seems like i just can't convey myself to others. If only i could step out a little more, things might be different now. =/

I took this holiday to sort out my messed up feelings and thoughts. 3 months wasn't quite long, but enough to let me think how i should go on. I should learn to remember the beautiful things and forget any unhappy moments. Maybe there's some regrets in life that is inevitable, but be glad that there is something for you to remember. =)

I will try to smile more and be a cheerful girl. I will try to make every minute, every second, worth a thousand more. I will try to be brave and face the world. I will try not to have any sudden thoughts that affect my life. I will try to express what i feel more, cause that's the only way i could show myself to others. And last of all, i need a miracle. =)

i think...

You’ve never really missed someone,
really miss them so much your heart feels bitter and sour and haunting perfect memories of last summer taunt you awake on starless black nights when the sky stretches on endlessly

I am typing up and retyping my scattering thoughts in the dark tonight, trying to scribble down every word and every syllable before they fall behind my thoughts
The windows feel too tight, the door too shut and the ceiling spinning, closing in
These sleepless nights, i imagine all the scattered words and fairytales with no endings and whispering beautiful songs i would whisper in your ear
But when i see you, all i could say is ‘I missed you’ just like anyone else would have said, with a blank expression and emotion, emotion stronger than the whole universe, bubbling inside of me

the window blows open by the late night wind and the blank curtains hover in the room, casting big shadows and reviving the most fearful, childhood nightmares

The wind blew hard and I sat on the steps breathing in the cold air, an atmosphere without you beside me.
They have all left, in crowds and in pairs, but I was still alone, breathing in cold air like a cigarette and ruining my lungs, wishing you were sitting beside me.

The words seem so close to my feelings. =/

losing that bit...

Been feeling vexed these few days. I don't know what am i confused about but it just makes me think alot. You know the feeling that your prospection towards people and life suddenly change. I've been having this doubt for a long time, that what is my future going to be like? The more i think about it, the more i'm lost. For a person who is going to be 21 soon like me, hasn't really live to the fullest. Sometimes when you want to step forward, but you just can't get the courage to go on. It left an invisible scar on myself cause i know i disappoint myself again. Sigh. =( I really hate to blog about emotional things, but i need a place to vent out things bottled in me.

Just another day

Just watch finish The Sorcerer's Apprentice and was humming that song in the movie. When I login facebook, I saw the lyric I was about to sing out. Amazing hur? Someone must have just watch the movie or listen to that song at that moment. Downloaded some movies I missed watching when they were still showing. And my Internet connection is having problems lately. :( It's late in the night again, idling my days away. I wonder if I can set my study mood back in time, before school starts.
Been having problem with posting a post with browser, so have to blog using iPod's app. =/